Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
