Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
