I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just found puke in my bra..
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
