we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
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I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
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