remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
