so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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