woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
