i would punch a child for taco bell
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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