I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
