i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize