dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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