good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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