It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
