I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
