I think I am morally bankrupt
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
