where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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