i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
