The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
