We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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