I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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