I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb