a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist