mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
