fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.