dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.