P.S. I can't hear my feet
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
