saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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