help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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