My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
