I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
