Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize