omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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