I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
