Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
