Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
