Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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