Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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