I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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