I accidentally had phone sex last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
