if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
