my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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