you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
