No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
