some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I touched a dick in church today
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
