Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
