also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
