I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
