Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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