If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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