I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
