when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
