Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
