Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
