I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
