I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
