I faked an abortion last night.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize