How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
