tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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