It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Randomize
