Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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