i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
