I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
