You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
