I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
