He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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