That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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