Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
