you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
