the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
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i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
