I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
